Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
