I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
