I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
