Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
