if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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