this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
