Will you blow on my dice?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
