I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
