I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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