DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
