i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
