Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
