Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
