My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
