can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
