Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
