Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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