Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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