Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
