bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
