nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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