He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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