She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
