You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
