Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
