you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
