Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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