So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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