Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
