i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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