I wish I could teleport
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
