All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
