Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize