it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
