So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
