I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
