Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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