That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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