I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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