So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
