if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
