the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
