My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
