there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
