You made me cry and you don't even care
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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