ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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