sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize