So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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