I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
