So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
