love makes seman taste better
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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