My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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