In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every concussion has its silver lining
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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