Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
