I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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