OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
