I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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