Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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