Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
