I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
