bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
