If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
