if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
