this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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