Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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