Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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