I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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