and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
