My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
there is puke in my bra ... again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize