K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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