CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
