I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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