this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize