my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
ttyl tear gas
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
