She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize