Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
