I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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