YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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