I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
