dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
