There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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