thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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