Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize