I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
