i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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