but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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