Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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