I hate all girls vehemently.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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