im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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