Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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