So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
