i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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