i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
